Phrases we have probably all heard our children say at some point are “I’m bored”, “There is nothing to do” or I don’t know what to do”.

This is true for pre-schoolers or articulate teenagers!  What has your reaction been when you hear these words? Impatience? Quickly reeling off a list of ideas/?

Have you ever said with enthusiasm “Good! It is good to be bored.”

Why we shouldn’t fear holiday boredom

As parents and carers, we need to see holiday boredom, and boredom in general as a positive. There is now increasing evidence that real creativity emerges from a sense of boredom. Some planned activities and games are important. However, perhaps we shouldn’t be sighing, concerned or trying to rustle up things for them to do to keep them occupied.

Try saying ” Great! You’ll think of something to make or do soon”, and give them the space they need to do so.

Making includes letting the mind wander to conjure up a story or a poem, plan a model to make or invent a new version of a much-loved game. How about finding a way to get a toy up the tree and then back down? To start with a child might need little suggestions. I have known children as young as five or six create illustrated stories on a wet weekend for a younger cousin or think of a poem for Granny as Granny loved poems!  My son’s Action Man was up and down all the trees in the garden but when he reached the roof, now that was a challenge!

Boredom is rarely wasted time. As parents we can often feel almost pushed into a busy schedule for our children. Perhaps we are worried they will miss out if they don’t join in. Perhaps the busy noise of Pinterest and Instagram makes us feel we always need to have a planned activity on hand. It does mean that for many children there is little time to experience being bored and the creativity that comes from this.

Have you ever tried planning a weekend with the children when nothing is planned?

I hope that doesn’t fill you with horror!  Be brave… try it. You might be surprised what the outcome is by Sunday afternoon. Encouraging creativity means the adult has to learn to let go. Giving them the ideas and finding all the things they need isn’t being creative, it is being organised!

I know it may all sound crazy as children’s lives these days are filled up after school with clubs whether that is sport, dance or cubs and brownies. However, if you want your child to know what it is like to be really creative, it is important to give them the time and space. Don’t give up too easily if it doesn’t seem to work straight away. For many children having this space without an adult organising it all for them is a challenge for them too.

When they share with you their creations how are you going to react?  No matter how strange or wonderful, their idea has to be taken seriously.

Ask them how they did it, and what gave them the idea. Your response as an adult will make all the difference between a child who feels it is worth being creative and one who doesn’t see the point. Bear in mind that creativity can be messy, especially with young children. Try having ‘messy play’ areas at home that you can easily clean up. Resist the urge to curtail any wild painting or paper cutting!

You can also think up little ideas yourself, so they see you being creative. I don’t mean writing a book or painting a picture (unless that is what you want to do!).

On one of my son’s birthdays I got the timing wrong at his party and needed to fill a quarter of an hour or so.I had to think quickly on my feet to entertain a group of primary aged boys. The answer was A4 paper and something to write with. I got them all round a table and turned the lights out. They had to follow instructions to create a picture (in the dark). I asked them to draw a lake in the middle of the page, put a duck behind the lake, put a boat on the lake, draw a tree to the left of the lake etc..

When the lights came back on they all wanted to continue with the game as it was so silly but such fun… it was then requested at subsequent parties!

Remember that being creative can also be mistaken for doing nothing.  She might be sitting on the sofa looking as if she is wasting time, but her mind will be busy with her next creation!

Have fun!

Bron Kucharski is an experienced primary and head teacher who has worked in a variety of schools over the years. She has a passion for developing in children a love of learning and language, enquiring minds and the confidence to be creative.

The post Why Holiday Boredom is Great For Our Children appeared first on Lil'ollo.

We wear so many hats during the day, don’t we?

Today I have been:

Mummy, Iron Man, daughter, wife, sister, friend, cook, vegetable negotiator, art facilitator, laundrette, cleaner, Bat Girl, train track fixer, That Baddy From PJ Masks, taxi driver, hoist, swimming teacher, mediator, toy doctor, project manager, CEO, designer, sock-reuniter, personal dresser, reader, medical assessor, first aid giver… exhausted mother…

The list goes on, and I bet yours does too.

Being a mum is without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. However, it is also the most physically and mentally challenging. It is exhausting, physically from the quadrupled work-load, but also mentally. We approach motherhood expecting a certain degree of exhaustion. Nonetheless, the reality can hit us like a freight train, and this can happen at any time.

Pregnancy the second time around was a different experience. When I was pregnant with my first, I spent my time when I wasn’t working doing lovely relaxing things. I would float in the swimming pool, take leisurely strolls and yoga classes, and lounge on the sofa watching box sets. My second pregnancy was spent running around after a very active toddler and working. To say I felt tired by the time baby no. 2 arrived was an understatement!

I can’t remember when the dark clouds started closing in. Ornella didn’t sleep well for a year and I didn’t prioritise rest, I just muddled through with caring for both children and working. I expected to feel tired. ‘This is just how everyone feels with two young children and a job’ I thought.

Slowly the exhaustion became all consuming. I would wake up feeling exhausted. I felt low all the time and couldn’t look forward to anything in the future. I felt anxious and easily tearful. The last thing I wanted was to let how I was feeling affect my children. As such I held everything in and tried to put on a brave face.

‘I am just exhausted’ I told myself. When I catch up on my sleep, everything will be better.

My lovely Mum, who recently retired from General Practice thought otherwise. ‘I think you are depressed’ she told me.

‘I can’t be depressed’ I replied. ‘ Everything is OK’. I repeated this again and again in my head, and kept going. I worried that if I admitted I wasn’t coping, I would be seen as a bad parent.

This is the thing with depression. It isn’t something you choose or you can just shut off. It can affect you when everything in your life is OK.

Eventually I couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. I didn’t want the children to see me upset so I went to get help. I was lucky I had my Mum to point out my symptoms were more than just exhaustion, but sometimes this can be difficult to work out on your own.

We just expect exhaustion as mothers; it can be easy to ignore how we are feeling and put everything down to tiredness.

I asked my Mum, Nancy, to tell me more about how to differentiate tiredness and exhaustion from depression. I wanted to share it here for you.

‘Despite one in three of us being affected by mental health problems in our lives, there is still unnecessary stigma attached to admitting we need help. I spend 38 years working in general practice, and mental health was one of my specialist areas. I have three children (Alex is my eldest) and I remember the exhaustion of caring for three small children very well. Exhaustion and tiredness can make us irritable, tearful and mentally and physically slow. When we are tired or exhausted, enough sleep and rest will alleviate our symptoms and we will feel better.

If we are depressed, unfortunately rest will not be the only thing we need to help recover. Continual and prolonged sleep deprivation can cause depression, and tiredness is one of the symptoms associated with depression. However, it isn’t the only symptom.

Depression is a common mental disorder that causes people to experience depressed mood, loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep, altered appetite, low energy, and poor concentration. Depression is different from feeling down or sad. Unhappiness is something which everyone feels at one time or another, usually due to a particular cause. A person experiencing depression will experience intense emotions of anxiety, hopelessness, negativity and helplessness, and the feelings stay with them instead of going away.

Symptoms and signs of depression.

• Excessively anxious with irrational thoughts
• Difficulty getting to sleep or waking up early (without the help of children!)
• Constantly tired and waking up tired
• Low mood and tearful
• Irritable
• Family history or a previous history of depression
• Blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong
• Continual worry you are a bad parent
• Unable to look forward to anything in the future
• Changes in appetite (feeling more hungry than usual or not wanting to eat)
• Loss of self- confidence and self esteem
• Unable to function and work or at home
• Thoughts about self-harm or suicide

If you are experiencing more than one of these symptoms, for even part of the day, most days for more than two weeks, please make an appointment to see your GP urgently.’

If you are feeling low, it can be easy to feel isolated. Please remember that having depression does not make you a bad parent, and you are not alone.

I’m sending you a big hug over the internet,

Alex x

Alex is a designer, writer, entrepreneur, problem solver and mother to two multilingual children. She is passionate about using design to improve people’s lives and has worked on projects around the world. Alex is a champion for languages and creative arts in early education and the creator of Lil’ollo.

The post Dear Exhausted Mother, This One Is For You appeared first on Lil'ollo.

Fast forward six months and I started to understand. I have always been able to apply myself and focus on the task at hand. However, motherhood is a totally different ball game. On one level there is so much to think about and consider. This is coupled with a long list of things to do every day that doesn’t involve the fun activities like playing with our children. On a different level the love we feel for our children, and our need to do the best we can for them brings another layer of mental load.

In her article ‘The Guilty Secret of Distracted Parenting’, Perri Class writes: ‘Our children need attention and interaction, conversation and story-telling, reading aloud, discussions of what they see and do, silly games and family jokes, and all the other back and forth that goes with family life’.

For me this is the absolute best bit of parenting, but it can often get hijacked.

When I’m feeling overloaded, I’ll admit I’m not 100% present in a game of superheroes. My mind wanders to the washing mountain downstairs, what I need to cook for dinner, an email that is about two months late, a dental check-up for the kids, something my husband needs, the wasp that is STILL stuck in our bedroom, some orders that need processing, a suspicious brown mark on the floor….

….and before I know it my mind has completely wandered off… and Iron Man and Bat Girl know it. They are now four and two, and they know when my brain has gone on a hike elsewhere.

I decided to try and do at least one activity every day (or more if I am not at work) where I make sure I am completely present. I hide my phone and forget about work and the washing mountain. I make sure I am 100% there with them. The activities aren’t always long, they don’t need much if any preparation and I am noticing a difference. I wanted to share some of them with you below.

10 Easy Ways to Connect With Your Children

1. Read a bedtime story

Bedtime isn’t always the calmest time in our household, but we read two stories every night. Reading aloud to our children is really important so it is something I made part of our routine really early on. However, I found it the hardest time to 100% focus. I’m tired, they’re tired, and my mind is racing ahead to the work I need to do once they are in bed. I reminded myself that reading stories before bed takes 20 minutes, and if I’m focussed on the story and the children it is so much more enjoyable for us all.

2. Build a den

Still the best fun ever, even as an adult. Using furniture and blankets or whatever you have to hand, (safely!) build your den. There are some amazing ideas here.

3. Get messy!

Messy play is brilliant for kids but I’ll admit in the past there have been times where it has been hampered by me trying to limit mess. I have created some areas at home where we can go wild and easily clean up (in the kitchen, garden and bathroom). Here are a few great ideas.

4. Create a family ritual

Family rituals are important, and they can be anything special to your family. For example, making pancakes on a Sunday, special code words or fun games. We go for lunch together every Saturday.

5. Get outside

We live in the UK, and the weather isn’t always great. However even when it is raining, even a small amount of time spend outside makes a big difference.  Fun outside doesn’t mean a big excursion, it can just be time in your local park or garden.

6. Make a map

My four-year-old is always curious about where I am going when I work outside of the house. I have started drawing little maps or showing him on a bigger map. We also have a map of the world that we have personalised, and we mark on where family and friends are flying if they go away.

7. Superhero chore team

Sometimes chores just have to be done, and it is good to involve our children. We have found a fun way to get them done together. Everyone takes a superhero cape and takes a different job. Dusting is far more fun in a Batman cape, believe me!

8. Toy hospital or mechanics station

One of our favourite imaginary play games is creating a hospital or mechanics station for injured toys. Both children love caring for their toys and giving me specific jobs to do such as bandaging teddy or fixing a wheel.

9. Get creative!

I have made different spaces around the house for messy, creative play. These include a big chalkboard in the kitchen, painting and drawing space that can be tidied away for eating and a mud kitchen outside.

10. Cook or create something fun to eat

I have great memories of helping my mum make cakes, but I think the success of more complicated recipes depends on the age of your children. Keeping things simple works best for us, and we love this DIY pizza idea.

We have more games ideas over in the Lil’ollo freebies club, come over and join us!

Alex is a designer, writer, entrepreneur, problem solver and mother to two multilingual children. She is passionate about using design to improve people’s lives and has worked on projects around the world. Alex is a champion for languages and creative arts in early education and the creator of Lil’ollo.

The post 10 Easy Ways to Connect With Your Children appeared first on Lil'ollo.

  

Are you ready for Christmas? My eldest child is coming up to four and he certainly is! He’s bursting full of Christmas wonder and excitement. We are going to put the tree up tomorrow and I’m honestly not sure how he is going to contain himself thereafter! Having children has helped me connect with some of the magic of Christmas again.

They have also taught me to really soak up and cherish these moments as I know they won’t be little forever. I’d love to be able to make, package and share experiences like these but unfortunately that just isn’t their nature, and this also raises an interesting paradox with the spirit of giving at Christmas.

Part of this holiday’s magic is seeing presents under the tree. The only downside of experiences is you can’t really wrap them up and add them to the pile! If you are wrangling with this, I may have a solution for you. I recently came up with the idea of the Adventure Pack and I wanted to share it in case you find it useful too. The Adventure Pack is a beautiful printable folder, covered with a map of the world, that you can personalise at home. It also comes with tickets, complete with space for you to write whatever you would like.

Of course, your adventures could be anything and they needn’t be costly or even involve leaving the house. You could:

• Go den building
• Build an airplane from boxes and go around the world
• Visit the zoo or a museum
• Learn how to do a craft or a sport
• Visit a new place

It could be sharing something you love and spending time with the little people in your life.

This is our Christmas present to you. If you would like an Adventure Pack for free until Christmas, just put your email in the form below and we will send you a link to download the file right away. As with all our printable products, you can print as many as you would like, but please make sure you read our terms and conditions prior to downloading.

Merry Christmas, everyone!
A x

Alex is a designer, writer, entrepreneur, problem solver and mother to two multilingual children. She is passionate about using design to improve people’s lives and has worked on projects around the world. Alex is a champion for languages and creative arts in early education and the creator of Lil’ollo.

The post How to Give the Gift of Experiences to Your Kids This Christmas appeared first on Lil'ollo.